Thursday, December 29, 2011

Year 2011 and resolutions

I take stock of the year towards the end of December and wonder what I did best, what I wish I had done better and this year is no exception. This past year was full of events and some I want to remember, some I do not.
I like that I was in India for about 6 weeks spread across the year. I like that we moved to a nicer house. I like that we had a fun summer with lots of activities and a pleasant winter dotted with parties.
Things that bothered me this year seem far away now.
The long hours on the flight, the miserable 36 hours with minimal rest days, the sick days - all seem distant.
I like that these last days of the year have been pleasant.
I have not decided if I will do the whole "new years resolution " this time. I have noticed that the times I do it, i set too high standards that I do not follow through.
So this year, I started early on little things and I plan to constantly check myself. The whole brand new beginnings associated with a Jan 1st is just silly. I find that my plans for getting better at things work better when I do not look at a new year as a new beginning but each new week as one. This way, I do not give up thinking I didn't do it well  so lets try starting next year or next birthday. Instead I rewind my springs every Monday morning and take on the week at full sprint. Sure, I wind down and by Thursday evening I am all burned out but this way I accomplish more over my 5 working days and catch myself from failing before end of day Saturday. This way, I do my chores better towards the beginning of the week instead of letting it build go and catching up to it at random intervals when i find things falling apart. I will myself to go to the gym every Monday despite failed attempts over previous 3 days.
So even if I end up declaring a resolution, it will probably be that I stick to my Monday morning ritual of self assurance and list making :D ;P The goal is to consciously go through every day and to never let it just go by me.
I wish every one in my life happy planning and the best for the year to come! Have a wonderful 2012 !

Monday, September 5, 2011

I miss him so

Does this happen to every one? I find that I see him in some one every day. It sends a wave of grief that washes over  me and then as I ponder about it, I smile remembering something fond about him.
The other day, it was a man at the airport. His mustache send me spiraling down  memory lane. I remembered how it was shaped and how it moved when he smiled. Another time, it was a suede pant that someone wore.
Each time, there is a sharp burst of pain somewhere deep and then as I pull myself out of the miserable few minutes, I remember him for everything he was for me. He was my link to home, to normalcy when I was far away. He was my pillar, my companion, my friend when I spent months at home being desperate without a job. He kept me entertained and helped me adapt to my brand new life.
We shopped, cooked, read and gossiped, discussed religion, politics and so much more.
Now that link is gone and I miss him terribly. I constantly wonder where he is and what he is up to. I wonder when this would go away and when he will just be a pleasant memory. Though, I am not sure I want it that way.
I guess I am just extra sad today and I wish he was still around.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Family Matters

When does a parent stop being the person who knows what is best for their child? Does that ever happen?
Granted they gave you life and raised you and tried to make you a better image of themselves, but when does their stake on your life's decisions end? Does it ever?
I love my parents and they have managed a fine balance when it comes to my  personal space. This is not about them. This is about a lot of the people in my life who find it difficult to say "No" and stand up against their family.
Who decides what career a young teenager should choose?
If the child has an aptitude to write and leans towards journalism, what right does the parent have to force engineering upon him?
When an adult decides that he has found his soul mate, what right does the parent have to forbid him?
Sure, the decision any member of the family makes affects the entire unit but where does the feeling of a whole being end and a sense of individuality begin?
Why does the parent not understand that in an attempt to make life acceptable for the family, it is tearing their child apart?
I wish sons and daughters wouldn't be thought of as out castes because they disagreed with the parents and moved out.
What is the best way to work through differences in the family? For some like me, it worked out to listen, agree and go with the advices. But for others, that decision ruined their happiness.
For some, betraying the parents worked out well and others lived lonely lives.
Is there no way to compromise and work on an understanding?

Friday, August 26, 2011


I am back in India again. It took me some time to finally plan this trip right for work and I thought that it would be easy. And I was partly right. The mechanics of it was easy - book tickets, pack, get myself to the airport, clear security, board, fly, land, collect luggage and walk out. Ha!!
Now comes the hard part. In the 2 years that I had spend adapting to my life in California, I seem to have unlearned every skill that I acquired being a Malayali in cochin.
When I lived in God's own country, I could cross a busy road with ease. I could drive like a maniac - squeezing my scooty pep between Innovas and auto rickshaws. I could stand in a crowded bus perfectly balanced on my legs without holding on to the railings as the bus sped at 60Km per hr swaying this way and that!
Now, i wait forever to get a big enough gap to cross the road - the other day I met Suman for lunch and she got so exasperated waiting for me to cross the road that she yanked my arm and walked across the road - all I could do was close my eyes and let her lead the way!
I flinch everytime some one honks or comes too close to the car my Dad drives - i bet it drives him crazy to see me be on the edge when we are out :-)
And now I am also intimidated by auto drivers - there was this one time i was going back to my office and my directions got the auto rickshaw driver lost. I was desperate to get to the right location and I confused him with my own mix of Hindi, Tamil, Malayalam and English. The poor auto rickshaw man pulled over and said
"Maam, I am auto rickshaw driver for 20 years.. I never lost.. this first time.. why maam!! enna kodumai!!"
I was speechless! I ruined the poor man's reputation.
But he was even more stunned that his outburst hadn't earned him an earful. I guess I lost my knack to converse or rather argue with auto rickshaw drivers. I kept quiet as he asked for directions and finally got me to my office. He looked worried and didnt even let me pay the amount he had originally asked for.
It has been two weeks now and I am a bit better at this. I went shopping on my own. Though I didnt buy anything, I am glad that I went out and walked the streets just for the fun of it.
I even stopped at the man on the street with the little cart who was selling warm corn with pepper and lime. I took some back to my room - savoring each spoonful of the deliciousness..
Atleast these are some things that have not changed.. I still love street food.. I still love Indian rains.. I love my home, family & friends and these will never change.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

2011 is here

By now I have lost faith in such a thing as a New Year's Resolution. in the last 10 years, I have never been able to carry any of these impulsive hopeful decisions for more than a few weeks..
The greatest example being last years number of blog posts. I couldn't believe myself - 2 posts in the whole of last year.

This year no resolutions just want to enjoy each day as it comes....